Ode to 2010

[stef]

2010, you were strange.

You brought a multitude of new experiences

And those experiences ushered in tremendous change

You will not quickly be forgotten

Instead, when I look back on you, I'll likely get what my sisters and I call "the marshmallow feeling"

(Like when you've eaten too many marshmallows)

So much loss, but so much gain

A rollercoaster of emotion, frayed nerves, days of tears, sleepless nights

But perfect joy too

Changes of heart and mind, acquiring strength in some areas, realizing how weak I am in others

A deep contrast of dark and light

Yes, strange is what I'll call you.

 Happy New Year! And I do mean that. I am happy for another year, hopeful for what is to come, and feeling better about the future in general. Apprehensive? A little. Anxious? Perhaps. Not quite willing to jump in with both feet yet? I'll agree with that. But excited at the same time for our little family, and the things that are to come.

2010 was an exhausting year to say the least. Here is a brief timeline of how it went:

 The first couple of months I was in early to mid stages of my pregnancy. That was pretty much the best time, because I was just past the phase of nausea and fatigue, not big enough to be terribly uncomfortable (except for growing pains), and enjoying things like seeing the baby for the first time on ultrasound, and feeling those first little precious kicks.

And then at the end of February, I had to say good bye to my grandpa Pankratz, someone who has been a huge part of my life, especially throughout my childhood. His passing was a little unexpected, and I was very saddened to have such a good, gentle, kind man leave the earth Thankfully I was able to make the trip out to BC for his funeral, and celebrate his life and the kind of person he is with the rest of the family.

A couple of months went by and I was having a little difficulty doing a very physical job full time, but I was managing okay, especially since I had taken on an LPN student, which made for more work mentally, but took away some of the physical strain. And then, my holidays worked out that me and Tyler could take a much needed trip away to Chicago! We had a wonderful trip - watched alot of baseball (Jays, then Cubbies) and a little hockey (Canucks vs. Hawks in the playoffs!), and did plenty of traipsing around the city.

However, just a few days after we got back from our trip, I got the terribly sad news that my dad had passed away suddenly. I won't go into detail about all of that, but it really hit me very hard, especially because of how much he was looking forward to meeting his future grandbaby. I went back to BC for his funeral, and since have faced many many tough days. 

 

In the weeks that followed, some abrupt changes took place: 

Ty had graduated with his teaching degree (hooray!!!), and was starting to get some sub jobs.

I finished work and started maternity leave, which was a bit of a shock to my system, because full time shift work tends to make you feel like you're at work all the time. The sudden end of this threw me for a bit of a loop, but I managed to fill my time with preparing for the baby. And once it was time, I involved myself with doing anything and everything to get that baby out!

And then on July 5th at 4:05pm we were beautifully blessed with the biggest change of all - a precious little Hudson Joseph!

Everyone who's had a baby knows how much it turns your life around. And nothing really prepares you for it. I spent the next month stumbling around in that new parent fog, learning about, and adapting to, and bonding with this little creature that God gave to our family. 

 

August was spent in BC with my family. I was still treading through the fog, but gaining a little more confidence with each week, and enjoying mommyhood more and more. 

Our arrival back to Manitoba brought on more challenges, as we established a new routine and lifestyle. Ty began teaching right away in Rosenort, which was obviously super positive, but at the same time a little scary for me, all of a sudden having to be completely on my own with the babe. I have to say, the start of fall had it's very hard moments, but it was a good time for me to do a bit of decompression after the events of the spring and summer.

And then came mid-November, and more upheaval, but I'm sure I've done enough ranting on that topic. 

Here we are then, at the beginning of a new year. I truly am looking forward to this year. Hopefully there will be more uprooting and deep heart changes, renewed hopes and dreams of things that I've desired since I was young, but have put aside for this reason or that. I want to strain towards the good things ahead, be a more positive person, build awesome relationships, use the gifts God has given me for good, get to know my son more and more, and the list goes on. Obviously there will be tough stuff, but that's simply how life is. 

2011, you might be a strange year, too, but I'm ready for you either way.