I forgot.

Nearly five years ago, when I graduated from my LPN program.

 The past week has been...a challenge. I returned to work at the Grace Hospital last Thursday after over a year of maternity leave, with mixed emotions. Firstly, I did not know how I would handle being away from my little boy for 15 hours of the day, as I have never been away from him for more than four hours before. I was asked many times by different staff members on my first day of work how I was holding up, and it seemed like most of them were watching me warily out of the corner of their eye to see when I would rush off to the bathroom in tears. But honestly, and thankfully, I really did feel okay. Anxious and missing, but okay.
A huge reason for this is the fact that Tyler is home for the summer, and so Hudson still gets to be with a parent all day. I wasn't packing up the diaper bag at 5:30am to go rush him off to an unfamiliar place, where strange (albeit friendly) faces would greet him when he woke up. Note that I am not downing day care or baby sitters whatsoever - I am just supremely thankful that we are in a circumstance where the transition for me going back to work part-time is going to be much less painful than it could be. It really is great for Ty and Hudson to spend some good quality time together, even if when I walk in the door both of them are sporting shaved heads/mohawks. Oh boys. Anyways, by the time I had tucked that first 12 hour shift under my belt and was ready for the commute home, I was almost jumping out of my white nurses shoes with eagerness to see how the little boy (and big boy) fared without me all day long. And after I had driven the 45 minutes (which is not bad at all - thankyou farm road shortcuts!), and burst through the front door, my son scrambled over to me from the kitchen to be greeted with kisses and cuddles and promises never to leave again. I know it wasn't exactly the truth, but I felt it needed to be said!
I remember before having a child of my own, asking co-workers after their return from maternity leave how they handled getting back to work after being home with their babies for a year. I was surprised that most of them said that it was actually quite okay coming back. I see why now. I'll agree that it seems like the work at home is never done, as one of them explained. Also, it puts me in a whole different role than "Hudson's mom", which I couldn't be prouder of, and still deserves my best effort - but simply having a new focus for a couple days of the week is really good for me.

Four years ago, when I first started at the Grace.

 Secondly, nursing is a tough job. I forgot how tough. Two out of my first three days on we were calling the ICU doc for two different people. I got a crash course in all the new equipment, paperwork (blech!), and policies that arose while I was gone. The other things I forgot? I forgot how cooky nurses can be. Seriously. I forgot about the sense of humour required to make it through the day. It's a must. I forgot how you also must strike a balance between compassion, and doing what's best for the people under your care, even if it involves a little tough love. And how you need to separate yourself from all the sad situations you come across, because you'll never not be in the middle of one. Like the man who had a stroke that affects the part of his brain that controls emotions and cries and cries all day long. Or watching the husband of a woman with dementia come in tirelessly day after day to walk circles around the ward with her because she just won't stop moving. It's a tough world inside those walls.
Either way, we will have more changes come the fall, when Ty goes back to teaching, but I think we will be able to make it work by taking Hudson to grammy Lill's, or one of his aunties - which is really the best case scenario for us. So, as far as that goes, I think this going back to work business will really be okay.

My typical auscultation expression.

 Hudson update to follow - I realize there hasn't been one for quite a while!