On Home

I'm at work. It's 12:31a.m. Not to worry -  my patients are mostly sleeping, medications have been doled out, cream has been rubbed on, saline locks have been flushed, and charting is mostly complete. I have made myself a large travel mug of Archer Farms' Donut Shop superbly awesome coffee, and now I am getting ready to do 1:00am rounds complete with more poking and prodding of my little sleeping bears. Silly me decided to take on two 12 hour nights just as soon as I got back from a not so restful (but still very good) time away to BC, which immediately preceded two other CRAZY night shifts already two weeks ago. So basically two weeks of not much sleep makes Stefanie something something. I think you get my drift.
Anyways, as I mentioned, I very recently made a little trip back to the Fraser Valley, where I grew up. I find it hard to say "home" when it hasn't been/felt that way for many years. Even when I returned to Mission after I came back from Briercrest (where I spent my first year away from BC), I felt completely distanced from the place that I spent 17 1/2 years growing up in. Caronport was a nice change from regular life, but it certainly wasn't home. When I moved to Red Deer for 1 1/2 years, I had brief moments where things felt almost "homey", even without a trace of family or really any other connections to rely on - but, still, I just couldn't bring myself to give it that all important word. Winnipeg also took alot of adjustments, but after awhile, it really grew on me to a point that this time of year actually makes me long to be roaming the streets of Wolseley, checking out the new food trucks on Broadway, and browsing the Millenium Library for an undiscovered Agatha Raisin gem. And now in Rosenort, I have discovered a peaceful, easy way of living - not necessarily a sense of belonging, but at least a place where I can connect with my little boy and husband in a way that may have not been possible with any other distractions/lifestyle/location. It is not where we will put down official roots, and thus I cannot call this place home either. Already in Red Deer I had a sense that I would come to this conclusion. I remember telling a friend that I never felt at home really anywhere. I don't know if this is a result of my "must explore every desired avenue even if it means hard choices and major changes" attitude that I've harboured for many years, or simply because I know the truth - earth is not my home. Life is really, truly short. And then it's on to much MUCH better things.
Maybe one day when we decide to plant our family somewhere that feels right, I will call it home. Maybe little bits of "home" will just follow me wherever we locate ourselves in the future. I don't think home is necessarily where the heart is, because truthfully, my heart has not always been in every location that I've lived in - but I've managed to feel familiar and nestle myself in to whatever community I've had to.And learned so much in the process!
More on our (me 'n Studser's) trip to Mission in a bit.
Also, I should mention that this post has been written in a few phases, because I promise I've been a diligent night nurse!!